I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
