so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i think my cat just said my name.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
