Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
