There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize