I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
