Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
