Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
