remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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