I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
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No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
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I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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