This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
