So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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