you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
