I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
