I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
