Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
