I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
