it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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