I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
