Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
