So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
