Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
