i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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