the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
