Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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