I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm getting married
To pizza
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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