just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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