I wish i was in the wii world.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
