so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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