Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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