yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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