My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
