we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize