I just made out with a guy for $7.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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