And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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