oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
