my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
