Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
