I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dick very happy bro
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
