I wanna bring you to show and tell
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My dick has a subreddit
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
