I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
