first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
two words: eviction party
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
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Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
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Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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