she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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