Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we made out on top of his cat.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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