She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
