So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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