Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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