Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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