def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
