dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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