Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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