and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
