Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
this will be a night to untag.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
