I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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