I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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