my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
