woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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