The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
