i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
