glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am naked and annoyed.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
