We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
