Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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