Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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