she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Small penises have feelings too.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
