Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
