i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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