it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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