I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
