man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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