I looked at my own cervix.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
