worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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