Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
