to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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