I think I died a long time ago.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
